.JPG)
Finally so tired...
I am actually so tired. I ask why do I have to dig a mountain outta a mole hill?We were really fine the day before...I guess.
I dunno...suddenly delusion stops and I feel tired. Maybe one picture triggers to another emotion and I'm back to over emo which of cos' ruins everything.
Or am I?
Everything went just as I expect and I am too tired to even feel sad over it.
Work is like entering a blurry timezone and I don't feel myself there which as a result, didn't help my sourcing.
After work, I spent hours dragging my feet around P.S and to home. I don't feel happy and my initial thought is to buy some Jazz CDs to relax. Who knows I just dunno how to use those music player at Gramophone(stupid,I know.) and by the time I reached PS, I was just wandering around.
I thought of alot on my way back. At some point, I feel so sad that I wanna cry. But as I wanna cry, I feel tired and actually become pretty numbless again.
Jason messaged me asking what should he do, in my opinion.
I asked him did he even know what is the problem?
"That I always seemed to isolate u frm my life, not care about how u feel, n not initiative enough to do little things for u that you'll like...?"
I asked him did he think that is our problem or really just mine?
I received the standard reply from him only very much later at 7.38pm(That question was messaged at 12.27pm) that he thinks the problem is his generally.
Generally as usual.
You know,friends? I can't tell you this is the how many time that I find myself having to argue about this. This could be the most common problem that every girlfriend faces but it is not our duty to take it as it is,is it?
You don't think I have not done my part? 5 long years...each time I find myself giving in to the situation of him not having enough time and always believe in his promises.
I am not saying that he is not treating me well. You guys read and know, he is the best person I find sometimes. He makes me feel so loved.
But sometimes it is not the issue of give & take.
I give him his time for his commitments & desired commitments. I don't feel I should deny credit for that.Yes, I complaint, I kicked a fuss,I cried BUT I give it to him all these time.
In return...he always promise me having more time in the future, making an effort to ........See, I am even tired to recite the whole things.
In the past, it's better...I have messages, emails, one time even flowers to my office to vouch those promises, to apologise etc.
Now...the apologies via sms seem like they are just like the word sorry literally without impact.
My point is....If Jason knew what I loathe, what I want ALL along and can pin point to me what is the problem just like retrieving answer from a comprehension passage, why am I still feeling this at this point of our relationship?
Girlfriends hate to be neglected. That is a consensus.
It is not that I do not understand how busy he could be. But somtimes it reaches a point whereby I don't feel he actually care about what's going on in my life the other 6 days of the week, just like the way he makes me feel apart from him and his working life the other 6 days.
When I requested him to be sweeter and call me after his work, he started doing so.
I feel appreciated and did my own part in calling him sometimes too.
As it goes by...it just become me calling him. Sometimes he is too busy to talk anyway and this habit died.
When I requested him to be romantic and gives me morning call every working morning, he did.
I feel loved.
Maybe that point of time, something happened too and it was my fault not to be able to sort out my tangles.
This practice died very quickly too.
That time when he said he has difficulty waking up at his alarm and is late for work sometimes, I asked what does he wake up and I can call him. I kept the practice even though sometimes I jokingly tell him that I would stop doing that the very next morning cos' it is adding to my handphone bills.
Who knows...it comes to show that it was HIS effort in struggling to wake up earlier than he should just to get my morning call.
That very day I decided not to call him, I should say I am quite disappointed to have his message coming in only at 9.19am trying to tease me saying I am late for work.
It probably has not occured to him that what if I am really late and by the tone of that message, it goes to show he is NOT worried at all.
I mean...is the normal reaction NOT receiving a phonecall at an usual time you should be worrying? Unless he has read that entry before hand(which obviously he has not then), I thought the normal reaction should be him giving me a call instead to check OR at least a sms?
You know how disappointed I was?
Ok..maybe you can say I am too over emo,that's why I am kicking a big fuss about that.That is PRECISELY you guys never have the head for details and fuck, you know I am emo so what do you expect?
Jason was busy during poly.
Busy during army.
Busy when having a job.
I guess he would be forever busy his life and it will always be a shield for everything.
And he would tell me...he always love me, he put me ahead of his mother even (whom he emphasized not even having the time for), he treasures the little time he has with me.
By saying treasuring the little time he has with me, yes...he makes me laugh, gives me a good time but other wise...it is really just a normal Saturday to town. The only thing that is special is because he has me, I make myself feel content, I forget about those empty holes till they surface again.
By saying treasuring me is NOT doing anything I wish he could done more on his own(without me requesting and then never lasts) despite he already knew by hard what are the lines to recite.
I can too,do so a millionth time.
Girlfriends love to be pampered even when they are angry.
In Sex & the City they have the sorry flowers, sorry emails, sorry letters, sorry faxes to signify how sorry a person would do to mean he or she is sorry.
I am just thinking and feeling Jason being sorry is not that sorry afterall. Maybe he is too tired of my on and off emo-ness.
Sorry is just a lethargic feeling.
He asked what plans do I have tomorrow.
I said..To wake up, breathe,eat, go out alone and get away from him.
And...He didn't even wanna call me to really solve things...which is JUST as I EXPECTED.
Tired..u know.
-------------
Enough of my long emo-ing and I am sorry to bore you.
Caught Sex & the City last night with my ladies(with a new friend -Kristin!).
Though I think Mr Big (or Pig!)is just such a baby and fuckingly loser for have the last minute jitters before the wedding, he is otherwise the kinda man most ladies would be stupid for.
Riches can generates lots of romance,true. But it takes a real Romeo to be able to do that.
You can be Bill Gates' rich but when you are a dummy romantic-less Duh, you would belong to the category whereby gals look for you when you are one leg 6 feets under.
Mr Big is really sexily romantic. "Always colour outta the lines." Sigh..I wish I am Carrie sometimes.
Still that loser part is so a dick head!
Lots of having sex parts with body parts carefully covered. Oh..except for that last part, what a long and thick ...dick. Lol. Ok, plus hot bod & good looking face!
I would love to be Charlotte. Content, blissful. Life is almost too perfect for her.
Sadly I think I am a lil' more Miranda. -__-
I would really rather be Samantha.
---------------
I thank my lil' bliss in life.
Mum made us breakfast for work this morning and I am SOOOO!!! touched! This is a very rare practice and I dont even have it often in my primary school days.
So touch that I took photos of it!
Lil bro was like "Jie..Jie..!!" when I was at the fridge picking out my grapes. I goes ..."Umm..What?"without looking at him. Suddenly he handed out this Rocky(??) to me saying,"Nah...肚子饿了，可以在office吃。"
I am insidely touched. :)
But..Rocky by Glico? Whatever happen to Pocky?
My table..dunno why I show you this pic but blah hahaha!
Opps..shaver. =0
Wha..who the fuck don't shave? You born hairless de meh?
I bought the "crystals" at Daiso today. Badly sticked lah..the infront is also zhnged but can't take pic of the front. Just feeling bo liao..that's why.
Me..today..looking rather ugly lah. I on the flash to test the effect.
Actually this is how I really looked just now. Not smiling...really. Just tired.
--------
I just wanna feel love. Not just one day outta the 7.
You always tell me one thing and expect me to feel myself.
It's not that I dunno and understand...but you just failed to prove it.
I don't wanna just give in this time without really seeing you are trying to prove it.
Whatever.
Night people.
Enjoy your weekend.
I dunno...suddenly delusion stops and I feel tired. Maybe one picture triggers to another emotion and I'm back to over emo which of cos' ruins everything.
Or am I?
Everything went just as I expect and I am too tired to even feel sad over it.
Work is like entering a blurry timezone and I don't feel myself there which as a result, didn't help my sourcing.
After work, I spent hours dragging my feet around P.S and to home. I don't feel happy and my initial thought is to buy some Jazz CDs to relax. Who knows I just dunno how to use those music player at Gramophone(stupid,I know.) and by the time I reached PS, I was just wandering around.
I thought of alot on my way back. At some point, I feel so sad that I wanna cry. But as I wanna cry, I feel tired and actually become pretty numbless again.
Jason messaged me asking what should he do, in my opinion.
I asked him did he even know what is the problem?
"That I always seemed to isolate u frm my life, not care about how u feel, n not initiative enough to do little things for u that you'll like...?"
I asked him did he think that is our problem or really just mine?
I received the standard reply from him only very much later at 7.38pm(That question was messaged at 12.27pm) that he thinks the problem is his generally.
Generally as usual.
You know,friends? I can't tell you this is the how many time that I find myself having to argue about this. This could be the most common problem that every girlfriend faces but it is not our duty to take it as it is,is it?
You don't think I have not done my part? 5 long years...each time I find myself giving in to the situation of him not having enough time and always believe in his promises.
I am not saying that he is not treating me well. You guys read and know, he is the best person I find sometimes. He makes me feel so loved.
But sometimes it is not the issue of give & take.
I give him his time for his commitments & desired commitments. I don't feel I should deny credit for that.Yes, I complaint, I kicked a fuss,I cried BUT I give it to him all these time.
In return...he always promise me having more time in the future, making an effort to ........See, I am even tired to recite the whole things.
In the past, it's better...I have messages, emails, one time even flowers to my office to vouch those promises, to apologise etc.
Now...the apologies via sms seem like they are just like the word sorry literally without impact.
My point is....If Jason knew what I loathe, what I want ALL along and can pin point to me what is the problem just like retrieving answer from a comprehension passage, why am I still feeling this at this point of our relationship?
Girlfriends hate to be neglected. That is a consensus.
It is not that I do not understand how busy he could be. But somtimes it reaches a point whereby I don't feel he actually care about what's going on in my life the other 6 days of the week, just like the way he makes me feel apart from him and his working life the other 6 days.
When I requested him to be sweeter and call me after his work, he started doing so.
I feel appreciated and did my own part in calling him sometimes too.
As it goes by...it just become me calling him. Sometimes he is too busy to talk anyway and this habit died.
When I requested him to be romantic and gives me morning call every working morning, he did.
I feel loved.
Maybe that point of time, something happened too and it was my fault not to be able to sort out my tangles.
This practice died very quickly too.
That time when he said he has difficulty waking up at his alarm and is late for work sometimes, I asked what does he wake up and I can call him. I kept the practice even though sometimes I jokingly tell him that I would stop doing that the very next morning cos' it is adding to my handphone bills.
Who knows...it comes to show that it was HIS effort in struggling to wake up earlier than he should just to get my morning call.
That very day I decided not to call him, I should say I am quite disappointed to have his message coming in only at 9.19am trying to tease me saying I am late for work.
It probably has not occured to him that what if I am really late and by the tone of that message, it goes to show he is NOT worried at all.
I mean...is the normal reaction NOT receiving a phonecall at an usual time you should be worrying? Unless he has read that entry before hand(which obviously he has not then), I thought the normal reaction should be him giving me a call instead to check OR at least a sms?
You know how disappointed I was?
Ok..maybe you can say I am too over emo,that's why I am kicking a big fuss about that.That is PRECISELY you guys never have the head for details and fuck, you know I am emo so what do you expect?
Jason was busy during poly.
Busy during army.
Busy when having a job.
I guess he would be forever busy his life and it will always be a shield for everything.
And he would tell me...he always love me, he put me ahead of his mother even (whom he emphasized not even having the time for), he treasures the little time he has with me.
By saying treasuring the little time he has with me, yes...he makes me laugh, gives me a good time but other wise...it is really just a normal Saturday to town. The only thing that is special is because he has me, I make myself feel content, I forget about those empty holes till they surface again.
By saying treasuring me is NOT doing anything I wish he could done more on his own(without me requesting and then never lasts) despite he already knew by hard what are the lines to recite.
I can too,do so a millionth time.
Girlfriends love to be pampered even when they are angry.
In Sex & the City they have the sorry flowers, sorry emails, sorry letters, sorry faxes to signify how sorry a person would do to mean he or she is sorry.
I am just thinking and feeling Jason being sorry is not that sorry afterall. Maybe he is too tired of my on and off emo-ness.
Sorry is just a lethargic feeling.
He asked what plans do I have tomorrow.
I said..To wake up, breathe,eat, go out alone and get away from him.
And...He didn't even wanna call me to really solve things...which is JUST as I EXPECTED.
Tired..u know.
-------------
Enough of my long emo-ing and I am sorry to bore you.
Caught Sex & the City last night with my ladies(with a new friend -Kristin!).
Though I think Mr Big (or Pig!)is just such a baby and fuckingly loser for have the last minute jitters before the wedding, he is otherwise the kinda man most ladies would be stupid for.
Riches can generates lots of romance,true. But it takes a real Romeo to be able to do that.
You can be Bill Gates' rich but when you are a dummy romantic-less Duh, you would belong to the category whereby gals look for you when you are one leg 6 feets under.
Mr Big is really sexily romantic. "Always colour outta the lines." Sigh..I wish I am Carrie sometimes.
Still that loser part is so a dick head!
Lots of having sex parts with body parts carefully covered. Oh..except for that last part, what a long and thick ...dick. Lol. Ok, plus hot bod & good looking face!
I would love to be Charlotte. Content, blissful. Life is almost too perfect for her.
Sadly I think I am a lil' more Miranda. -__-
I would really rather be Samantha.
---------------
I thank my lil' bliss in life.
Mum made us breakfast for work this morning and I am SOOOO!!! touched! This is a very rare practice and I dont even have it often in my primary school days.
So touch that I took photos of it!
Lil bro was like "Jie..Jie..!!" when I was at the fridge picking out my grapes. I goes ..."Umm..What?"without looking at him. Suddenly he handed out this Rocky(??) to me saying,"Nah...肚子饿了，可以在office吃。"
I am insidely touched. :)
But..Rocky by Glico? Whatever happen to Pocky?
My table..dunno why I show you this pic but blah hahaha!
Opps..shaver. =0
Wha..who the fuck don't shave? You born hairless de meh?
I bought the "crystals" at Daiso today. Badly sticked lah..the infront is also zhnged but can't take pic of the front. Just feeling bo liao..that's why.
Me..today..looking rather ugly lah. I on the flash to test the effect.
Actually this is how I really looked just now. Not smiling...really. Just tired.
--------
I just wanna feel love. Not just one day outta the 7.
You always tell me one thing and expect me to feel myself.
It's not that I dunno and understand...but you just failed to prove it.
I don't wanna just give in this time without really seeing you are trying to prove it.
Whatever.
Night people.
Enjoy your weekend.
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